Beer Drinkers Guide

["Brent W. Venis" <kb0spn@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Symptom:  Beer Unusually Pale And Tasteless.
 Fault:    Glass Empty.
 Action:   Get Someone To Buy You Another Beer.
 
 Symptom:  Opposite Wall Covered With Fluorescent Lights.
 Fault:    You Have Fallen Over Backward.
 Action:   Have Yourself Lashed To Bar.
 
 Symptom:  Mouth Contains Cigarette Butts.
 Fault:    You Have Fallen Forward.
 Action:   See Above.
 
 Symptom:  Beer Tasteless, Front Of Your Shirt Is Wet.
 Fault:    Mouth Not Open, Or Glass Applied To Wrong Part Of Face.
 Action:   Retire To Restroom, Practice In Mirror.
 
 Symptom:  Feet Cold And Wet.
 Fault:    Glass Being Held At Incorrect Angle.
 Action:   Rotate Glass So That Open End Points Toward Ceiling.
 
 Symptom:  Feet Warm And Wet.
 Fault:    Improper Bladder Control.
 Action:   Stand Next To Nearest Dog, Complain About Her House
           Training.
 
 Symptom:  Floor Blurred.
 Fault:    You Are Looking Through Bottom Of Empty Glass.
 Action:   Get Someone To Buy You Another Beer.
 
 Symptom:  Floor Moving.
 Fault:    You Are Being Carried Out.
 Action:   Find Out If You Are Being Taken To Another Bar.
 
 Symptom:  Room Seems Unusually Dark.
 Fault:    Bar Has Closed.
 Action:   Confirm Home Address With Bartender.
 

 Symptom:  Taxi Suddenly Takes On Colourful Aspect And Textures.
 Fault:    Beer Consumption Has Exceeded Personal Limitations.
 Action:   Cover Mouth.
-- 
		73 de
		     Brent Venis
		     KB0SPN

	Misspelled?!?  Impossible, my modem is error correcting.