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[Fwd: Fw: Jokes (fwd)]



> > >>>      A nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver. She says to the
> > >>bus
> > >>>
> > >>>driver she needs someone to talk to. She lives in a convent and wants
> > >>to
> > >>>experience sex before she dies. The bus driver agrees but the nun
> > >>>explains
> > >>>she can't have sex with a married man because it would be a sin. The
> > >>bus
> > >>>driver says no problem, he's not married. The nun says she also has
> > to
> > >>>die
> > >>>a virgin, so she has to take it in the ass. The bus driver agrees
> > >again
> > >>>and being the only two people on the bus they go in the back and take
> > >>>care
> > >>>of business.
> > >>>     When they were done and he had resumed driving the bus driver
> > >>>said, "Sister, I have a confession to make, I'm married and have
> > three
> > >>>kid's."
> > >>>     The nun replied, "That's O.K. I have a confession too. My name is
> > >>>
> > >>>Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party."
> > >>>
> > >>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >>>     This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a
> > >>thumping
> > >>>sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to
> > his
> > >>>mom
> > >>>and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and
> > >>when
> > >>>
> > >>>I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."  His mom
> > >is
> > >>>taken by surprise and says, "Oh... well...ah....well I'm bouncing on
> > >>his
> > >>>stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."  The boy
> > >says,
> > >>>"Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?"   The boy replies,
> > >>>"Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and
> > >blows
> > >>>him back up!"
> > >>>
> > >>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >>>     A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert
> > post.
> > >>>On
> > >>>his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied
> > >>out
> > >>>back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading
> > the
> > >>>tour, "What's the camel for?"  The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's
> > a
> > >>>long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so
> > when
> > >>>they do, we have the camel."
> > >>>     The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess
> > >>>it's
> > >>>all right with me."
> > >>>     After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain
> > >>>could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE
> > >>>CAMEL!!!"The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the
> > >>>Captain's quarters.  The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to
> > >have
> > >>>vigorous sex with the camel.  As he stepped, satisfied, down from the
> > >>>stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how
> > >>the
> > >>>enlisted men do it?"
> > >>>     The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to
> > >>>ride into town."
> > >>>
> > >>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >>>
> > >>>A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are
> > >>playing
> > >>>like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband
> > >>has
> > >>>his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no,
> > >>>you're gripping the club way too hard!"
> > >>>     "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently,"
> > >>>the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man
> > >>takes
> > >>>
> > >>>the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds.
> > straight
> > >>up
> > >>>
> > >>>the fairway.The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the
> > >>>wife
> > >>>can't wait for her lesson.
> > >>>     The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her
> > >>>swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
> > >>>     "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like
> > >>>you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the
> > >>pro's
> > >>>advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the
> > >>fairway
> > >>>
> > >>>. . .  about 15 ft.
> > >>>     "That was great," the pro says.  "Now, take the club out of your
> > >>>mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.
> > >>>
> > >>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >>>
> > >>>Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they
> > >>find
> > >>>that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off
> > >>the
> > >>>lights because they can't see each other using sign language.  After
> > >>>several nights of fumbling around  and misunderstandings, the wife
> > >>>decides
> > >>>to find a solution.
> > >>>     "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals?
> > >>>For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over
> > >and
> > >>>squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach
> > >>>over
> > >>>and squeeze my right breast one time."  The husband thinks this is a
> > >>>great
> > >>>idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have
> > >>sex
> > >>>with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time.  If you don't want
> > >>to
> > >>>have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"
> > >>>
> > >>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > >>>
> > >>>Since you got these funny jokes you gotta send them to at least 5
> > >>>peoples!!! If you don't you won't have good sex anymore if you get
> > >any!
> > >>>
> > >>>Smiles!
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>--------- End forwarded message ----------
> > >>>--------- End forwarded message ----------
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>______________________________________________________
> > >>Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
> > >
> > >
> > >______________________________________________________
> > >Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
> >
> >
> > ______________________________________________________
> > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
> >
> >
> >
> >

-- 
		73 de
		     Brent Venis
		     KB0SPN

	Misspelled?!?  Impossible, my modem is error correcting.



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